Tough Times In Toxic Friendships
This will be probably the most complex thing I’ve had to write about yet but it absolutely has to be done. I’ve been through a lot in my life but one of the toughest situations I’ve been through was with a friend last year. Things started off brilliantly and we spoke about literally everything. I never wanted anything for this person except the best and I just always wanted to be there for them. I hoped this was gonna last for life but things turned massively sour. Started off with really silly arguments and some overly aggressive and nasty things being said from both of us. I’ll admit I definitely wasn’t innocent in this and I hold my responsibility for that.
Things just began to keep getting worse and both of us became very sick often and constantly filled with stress and anxiety. I hated it so much that we both felt that way because I was continually told I didn’t care whereas the truth of the situation is that I absolutely did. I’d have done anything to prevent the arguments ever happening. That’s not me at all as well. I hated myself so much with what went on that I didn’t know what to say and I knew that if I voiced my opinion it would just lead to me being told it was wrong and another argument would have happened.
In July last year I had a sleepover at my friends but as I had to go for breakfast the next day this meant I was up stupidly early. After a night of drinking alcohol that is normally bad enough but it was even worse at this time because I was a complete mess over this situation and was so worried for the person I wanted to never lose. I went into town and grabbed my breakfast thinking visiting my other friends could have been a good plan. I ended up in another argument over a little misunderstanding and this just frustrated me so much because I just never wanted this for us. It was always the same old insults as well and it was just so mentally draining for us both. We both became so mentally unstable it’s unreal. Later that day in my friends I suffered a panic attack.
Crying and shaking in my friend’s arms all over shouldn’t happen in a friendship and neither should someone getting hurt. If it ever happens to you just leave things no matter how much you care about the other person. Things are just toxic sometimes and are better to be left alone. I chose to end things with the person but this ended up only temporary when it really should have been permanent.
Over the next year until the beginning of last month, things were just on and off and friendships shouldn’t be like that either. You’re both either in it 24/7 or not at all. We both cared too much and as much as our loyalty should have been positive, in this case, it just absolutely wrecked us.
The after effects of the mess to both of us are unreal to be honest. However, how we both get treated is night and day of each other. A blog with her side of the story has been released and this has lead to some horrible comments towards me and nothing but praise for her. How can that be fair in a situation we both made mistakes in and were both at fault? I’ve also had someone stalking me for over a year now due to it and even my Youtube account that I had before was stalked when I was making videos and now my blog is even stalked. This is the most extreme outcome to anything I’ve ever seen or been through and it should never have happened.
I just want this to never be mentioned as it’s in the past and shouldn’t have been mentioned to anyone except us in the first place. We both fucked up massively with each other but even after all the tears, anxiety attacks and panic attacks I still want this person to have the best in life. I know I’m not that bad a guy either and if I was I definitely wouldn’t have the girlfriend of 7 months that I do as well as the friends and support I’ve had with my Youtube and my blogs. I had also been recommended a job in the person’s workplace by them which I thank them for. This situation needs to be left in the past and for me, it’s staying there. I know I’ll still get hate and stalked but that’s what life brings sometimes.
I’m strong enough to deal with the harshness of this situation and I’ve made 2017 the best year of my life. The only message I have for the person involved is:
“The past is the past. I’m sorry for my part in things and I want the best for your life and wish you every success in it.”
Thanks for reading guys, if you ever need help when friendships/relationships get tough. Contact me for advice as I’m happy to give it and if you think you’re at risk of mental health issues, remove yourself from the friendship. It’ll only benefit both in the long run even if you care. It is tough to let go of someone and you’ll miss them at first but trust me you can use what you’ve learned about your mistakes and it will push your life forward into a better place. I’m strong enough to write about my situations now whereas before I wasn’t. You can be too.
Tough Times In Toxic Friendships